


when the tough ones fall apart

by HopePotter



Series: the nine nine are mentally unstable [2]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jake Peralta is Bad at Feelings, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, POV Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta Friendship, Rosa Diaz Has Feelings (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26512990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopePotter/pseuds/HopePotter
Summary: "Terry, what is the meaning of this? Work is over, Rosa is allowed to leave."Rosa glared pleadingly at the sergeant, begging him to keep this between them."I think that she may need a psych evaluation."
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta, Rosa Diaz & Ray Holt, Rosa Diaz & Terry Jeffords
Series: the nine nine are mentally unstable [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927714
Comments: 23
Kudos: 80





	1. you don't talk to guys

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I know its been months, I've been working on this for quite a while, and I have another chapter ready to go if this gets good recognition and people like it. It is Rosa Diaz kind of falling apart, some of you wanted Terry so he is here too. Finally, go get a snack and some water, sit back and enjoy this fic!
> 
> TW: self harm scene (starts at 'i need to do something with my hands i need to- ends at i was texting a guy) all you need to know is that terry is speaking 
> 
> ~Hope

"Rosa, show me your arm."

That was not what Rosa was expecting to hear on a Friday, right before she was leaving the precinct. From Terry Jeffords, nonetheless.

First, let's go back to the beginning.

* * *

Rosa woke up to the awful sound of her alarm screeching in her left ear.

Naturally, she grabbed a staff from next to her and smashed it. No regrets because that alarm drove her nuts.

Work was uneventful. The printer was having some issues, Terry was wearing his golden suspenders, all was well. 

Until of course, her parents called.

The phone rang 30 minutes after work started. Rosa snatched the phone off her desk and went out to answer it, meeting Jake's curious eyes as she walked out the balcony.

His eyebrows arched as he subtly checked on her and she glared back, replying that she could handle it herself.

"Hello?"

Right away, she could tell she was getting bad news.

"Mija, I'm so sorry but I'll have to cancel game night today. Your father is busy at work and I just don't think it would be fair to him if we did it without him."

_ Not fair to him _ . Wow. Sure it may not have been a big deal to them, but Rosa liked knowing that her parents still cared about her. She was trying to be more vulnerable, and here her mom was, changing plans. She hated last minute changes.

"Rosa?"

"It's okay, I'll see you guys another time. Adiós."

Without listening to the reply, she hung up and clenched her fists.

_ Go do it. You know you need to. You're mad, get it out. Get it out. It won't make a difference. Relapse is part of recovery. One cut wouldn't hurt. _

She punched the wall.

That's how her day started falling apart.

"Rosa, can you come into my office please?"

She looked at Holt, who was pursing his lips and staring at her intently.

"Ooh Rosa which officer did you punch this time?"

Jake had made an innocent jab which would have been fine any other day, but today it made her teeth grind together and her hands turn to fists.

She was about to talk back when the captain coughed behind her.

And so to the office she went.

As she sat down, her eyes wandered and soaked in the room.

Binders, books, a flag as well as office supplies and a corgi sculpture. Pretty accurate representation of their boss.

"Rosa, I am afraid I do not have great news to tell you and I will not beat around the bush so let me just tell you. The board has revoked your task force."

_ Her task force? She had been working on taking down a major drug ring for nearly 6 months and they revoke her task force? _

She bolted out of her seat.

"What? Who in the living  _ hell  _ thought that was a good idea?"

"I am sorry, there is nothing I can do."

Holt did look apologetic.

Her eyebrows crashed together, much like her mind and she cursed furiously under her breath as she slammed the door open.

She could feel her team's eyes on her yet she couldn't control her anger. 

_ I need control I need to do something with my hands I need to- _

That is how, a while later, Rosa was aggressively scrubbing at her wrists with disinfectant and trying to stop the flow of blood.

"Rosa?" 

Terry. What was he doing outside the bathroom?

"What do  _ you _ want?" She growled as she grabbed some band-aids from her bag and wrapped her wrist with the speed of someone with unfortunate practice.

"Work is ending in 10 minutes, I got worried. You alright?"

_ Crap. _

How long had she been in this bathroom?

She walked out the stall and rinsed her hands, hoping the blood stains would be gone.

"I'm fine, just texting a guy."

A  _ guy?  _ Rosa didn't text many people, there's no way Terry believed that.

"Rosa. There is no way I'm buying that."

She sighed and opened the door, glaring at her 6 feet tall mom friend.

"I am not your child okay? So you can scram home, my business is my own and does not concern you at  _ all. _ "

"I know it doesn't concern me, but sometimes it helps to talk about it, I have two kids at home, I've learned quite a bit about emotions."

She scrunched her nose.

"Vulnerability? Gross."

She should have seen it coming. When he leaned closer, and his arms left his sides.

Terry gave her a strong hug, and she yelped as she felt the band aid start to fall apart.

It took all her willpower not to lift her jacket sleeves right then and there.

Right away, his eyes narrowed in on her.

"You're hurt."

"I'm fine," she managed to push past him when he grabbed her arm.

She hissed and tore her arm away.

"Don't  _ touch  _ me!"

Her first mistake was looking into his eyes.

All it took was one glance at that goddamn parental gaze and she knew that he had figured something out.

"Rosa, show me your arm." 

Her second mistake was freezing.

It felt like time had stopped, her lungs were not working properly, she couldn't  _ breathe. _

"Terry, that's perverted," she tried to escape again and managed to make it back to the bullpen, where she quickly gathered her supplies and flew to the elevator.

"STOP! Rosa, don't leave."

Jake and Holt were the only other ones in the building.

Holt broke the silence first.

"Terry, what is the meaning of this? Work is over, Rosa is allowed to leave." 

Rosa glared pleadingly at the sergeant, begging him to keep this between them.

"I think that she may need a psych evaluation."


	2. havoc and spontaneous vacations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Terry, you need to give me a reason. I can't give her an evaluation without cause."
> 
> There was agonizing silence. She could hear the clock ticking and Jake's ball squeaking along with laboured breathing.
> 
> Her own.
> 
> "Check her arms," he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, schools kind of sucked recently, i know I said i would give you guys the next chapter, so here it is! enjoy :)  
> tw: self harm mentions
> 
> ~Hope <3

_ "I think that she may need a psych evaluation." _

Holt's expression stayed just about the same, yet a slight arch of his eyebrows indicated concern.

Jake, on the other hand, was clearly worried. His eyes widened and he started squishing his stress ball harder than before.

Her eyes started to tear up.

_ Not here. You are strong. Strong girls don't cry. _

"Terry, you need to give me a reason. I can't give her an evaluation without cause."

There was agonizing silence. She could hear the clock ticking and Jake's ball squeaking along with laboured breathing.

Her own.

"Check her arms," he whispered.

That's when havoc broke.

Rosa reached in her boot and pulled out a dagger, her blood still on the hilt of the blade.

" _ Stay back. _ " She seethed.

"There is blood on that knife. Rosa, you are not going to hurt us, let go."

That was Holt.

Terry walked a little closer, and her hands shook as she raised the blade in defence.

She must have looked pathetic as he snatched it out of her hands and grabbed the cuff of her jacket.

"Can I?"

_ Yea sure now that you've asked I'll let you in on the one thing that gave me control for years! Go ahead, look at my injuries! Would you like my sister's name while you're invading my personal space? _

She growled.

He lifted her sleeve and furrowed his eyebrows as he slipped off the bandaid.

There, on her arm, was a variety of cuts in different directions and severity.

"Oh God," Terry gaped at her as his eyes shook. "Rosa, you need help!"

"I have it under control. I am fine. Let go of my  _ arm. _ "

"Rosa…" Jake was at a loss of words. No amount of joking could cover the fact that his team member, no  _ friend _ was hurting. 

She felt herself boil with rage.

" _ See?  _ This is why I don't tell you anything! You just look at me like I'm some broken animal! You should just  _ euthanize  _ me instead!"

Terry spoke.

"Rosa, we didn't mean-

"No. Stop talking. I'm leaving."

She pulled her sleeve down and walked towards the elevators.

"Diaz. Come into my office and we'll figure this out."

Rosa's face started heating up. She needed to do it again, everything's ruined. Her carefully crafted reputation was ruined. 

She thought out her options and sighed. If she left it would just make her seem more unstable. Maybe she could stay in the field if she went in.

"Fine."

So she went. She just wanted today to be over.

As if karma was on her side, she heard another voice.

"Jake? Why are you taking so long-"

Amy. 

God freaking damn it.

She looked around the room as if sensing her slow but steady meltdown and froze.

"Rosa? Why do you look like you were crying?"

Jake finally pulled himself together.

"Amy, let's go. Rosa just has a meeting. Let's get some ice cream."

He gave her a glance and her shoulders fell in relief. Jake really saved her this time.

Now all that was left was the momma bear and a robot. Perfect.

"Okay. Let's get this over with. Terry, you dont have to be here, go see your  _ actual  _ kids. Holt, I'm going to the office."

Terry looked unsure of what to choose.

She went into the office and sat across of Holt, who looked as emotionless as ever.

"Diaz…" he shook his head as if trying to comprehend why a Friday night turned out like this. He should be at home, not being  _ burdened _ by her problems.

Distractedly, she started scratching her arms.

"Diaz." Holt nodded at her hands.

She finally realized what she was doing and stopped, sighing loudly.

"So, can I leave?"

He looked at her and gave a small but sad smile.

"I think I need to understand how you are doing first. A psych evaluation of sorts, you must have known that."

He passed over a questionnaire. She didn't think she would see a paper like this again.

The last time she filled in a psych form was when she was in the ER as a depressed gymnast.

Screw  _ this. _ They want honest? They'll get honest.

She quickly filled in the questionnaire and handed the paper back to Holt, smiling like the messed up person she was.

He took one glance at the paper and his eyes grew.

"Rosa," his voice a low rumble, "you know I can't send you back in the field with these answers."

She laughed.

"But I'm not suicidal. If anything you know I'll take anything for my team."

He sighed and leaned back in his office chair.

"That's the issue. I can not send you back knowing that you will act recklessly and take unnecessary measures to catch a perp in the field."

"So now what?"

Rosa knew what came next. She had already started to take off her badge.

"I'll have to suspend you until you are fit to come back. You will have access to the precinct's therapists and will be suspended  _ with  _ pay. Can I get your gun and badge?"

Silently, she slid the items across the desk.

She stood up and heard scraping behind her as she faced the door.

"The team will miss you."

"What will you tell them?"

"That you're on vacation?"

She turned the knob and turned around.

"I'll be in touch, Captain."

He gave her a sad look.

"So will I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you got this far, drink some water, go get a snack, and take it easy. my Tumblr is @hopepotterwriter if you wanna message me, I'm here if you want to rant about anything! let me know what you thought of this chapter!
> 
> ~Hope ☕❤

**Author's Note:**

> You have reached the end of this chapter! Your thoughts, comments and kudos are appreciated, I hope you can go about your day nicely, and that this lived up to your expectations!
> 
> ~Hope ❤☕


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